


Take Off

by SarahJeanne



Category: Shelter (2007)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-21
Updated: 2009-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 19:38:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahJeanne/pseuds/SarahJeanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Take Off<br/><i>verb</i>, to catch a wave and begin the ride</p><p><i>What if Zach's mother hadn't died?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Off

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gray Shadows (the_afterlight)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_afterlight/gifts).



> Thanks to Gray Shadows for an amazing prompt. I had so much fun thinking up and writing this.
> 
> A HUGE thank you to my beta, PJ Vilar, for sticking with me, draft after draft, as I wrote this. This would not have happened without you. Your critique and encouragement were indispensable.

_Zach cringed as he walked up to his front door and heard Jeanne's yelling join with Cody's screams. "Shut up! Just shut up! What do I have to do to make you quiet?"_

Zach cracked the door open and peered into the living room. His mother, Joy, was sitting on the couch. She had her feet up on the coffee table and was leafing through a magazine; she didn't look up as she responded.

"Jeanne," Joy said, voice calm but slightly raised to be heard over the racket, "yelling won't help. Have you checked to see if he needs to be changed? Or maybe he's hungry?"

Zach pushed the door open further, Joy turned to him as it creaked. "Is it safe?" he asked.

His mother threw her head back and laughed. "Get in here." She smiled at him. "You've got some mail in the kitchen."

He dropped his bag and headed for the kitchen. "Oh, this is disgusting," he heard Jeanne yell. "Mom!"

"You conceived him without my help Jeanne. You can certainly change him on your own," Joy yelled back.

He laughed to himself and heard Jeanne start to whine back, but her response was lost as he saw the envelope on the table, CalArts' address embossed in the upper left hand corner. He jumped when his mother put a hand on his shoulder, "I didn't hear you come in," he said, not taking his eyes off the envelope.

"Are you going to open it?"

"Yeah, I just…"

"It's a pretty big envelope, Zach."

"Yeah," he hesitated.

"Come on, if you won't open it, I'll do it for you," she said and reached over his shoulder, grabbing at the envelope.

"Okay, okay, okay," he said, holding it over his head, "I'm opening it." He tore the envelope open and pulled out a folder with a single piece of paper on top of it. "Dear Mr. Martin," he read, unable to stop the grin stretching across his face, "Congratulations! We are pleased to offer you admittance to the CalArts class of 2007."

"I knew it!" his mom yelled. "I knew you could do it. I am so proud of you." She grabbed him and hugged him. "Jeannie, get in here!"

"Oh my God, what's all the yelling?" Jeanne asked as she walked into the room, pushing Cody into Zach's arms.

"Zach got in to CalArts! We've got a college man here."

* * *

Zach walked out of the water, tossed his surfboard into the sand, and collapsed on his towel. He lay on his back and watched the clouds drift by overhead, gearing himself up to face his studio when he got back to Valencia. He closed his eyes and started running over the work he needed to get done. He didn't even realize he'd fallen asleep until his phone rang, jolting him awake. He checked who was calling and flipped open the phone.

"Hey, Gabe. What's up?"

"Dude, what are you doing on Friday?" Gabe whispered.

"Dude, why are you whispering?" Zach whispered back.

Gabe got a little louder. "Get this: I'm in the _library_."

Zach wrinkled his brow in confusion. "Did you get lost?"

"Fuck you, man," Gave said lightheartedly. "I'm studying."

"What subject?" Zach asked, disbelieving.

"The chick who works at the reference desk."

Zach laughed. "That's what I thought."

Gabe's voice turned wistful. "If only you could see her… If only _I_ could see her. Seriously though, next Friday you are…?"

"Uh…locking myself in my studio and trying to get my stuff together for the show."

"Uh, wrong. Me and some buds are driving down for the weekend. You gotta come party with us at Shaun's."

"I don't know, Gabe," Zach said, gathering his things, "I've got a lot of work to do. I don't think I can afford a weekend away like that."

"Don't do this to me, bro, I've barely seen you in the past two years. Christmas breaks and two weeks in Mexico are not enough. You _have_ to be there."

Zach sighed, and cradled his head in his hand. "Fine. I'll come. It'll be good to see you."

"Yes. I knew you'd cave." Zach rolled his eyes. "See you in two days."

"See you," Zach said and snapped his phone closed. He finished gathering his stuff and, with one last look at the ocean, headed toward his car to drive back.

* * *

After sitting in traffic for far too long, Zach knocked on the door of Shaun's apartment. "Come in," an unfamiliar voice yelled.

Zach turned the handle and pushed the door open. "It's about time, man, where've you been?" Gabe asked, wrapping one arm around Zach in a hug.

"Sitting in traffic, dude. That's what L.A. is all about."

"Well, you're here now, that's what counts." He pulled Zach further into the apartment, and pointed to the three guys sitting in the living room. "That's Joe, Rob, and Greg, Shaun is somewhere, and this is a cooler of beer." He reached in, grabbed a can, and handed it to Zach. "You're welcome."

Zach laughed and popped open the can. "You've got it all covered."

"Damn straight. Sit down, man, how's it going?"

* * *

Two hours later, Zach slipped out of the cloud of smoke the apartment had become and sat down on the balcony. He stared at the street below, making a mental list of everything he had to get done when he got back to school.

"Nice out here, isn't it?"

Zach looked up, jolted out of his thoughts as Shaun sat down next to him. "Yeah, I just needed to get out of there for a minute."

"No need to explain. Beer?" Shaun offered Zach a bottle.

"Thanks," Zach said, catching the opener that Shaun tossed to him. He watched as Shaun tilted his head back and drank, exposing his throat. He pulled his eyes away as Shaun looked over at him and drank from his own bottle.

"Couldn't really hear you over the music before. How's life treating you at CalArts?"

"Oh, you know…" Zach waved his hand in the air.

"Do I?"

Zach laughed. "It's good. I'm enjoying it, but I've hit sort of a dry spell lately."

"The artist's equivalent of writer's block?"

"Yeah. I've got all this work I'm supposed to complete for my mid-residence review. I'm not happy with what I'm making. Neither is my advisor." Zach slumped in his chair.

"I'm sure you'll get it back."

"Hope so." Zach shifted and watched Shaun, who was staring through the balcony's rails at the street. "This is a nice place," Zach said, breaking the silence that had fallen. "I love all the windows. The Jacuzzi's a nice touch too."

"That it is." Shaun laughed. "It's not really mine, though."

"Does that mean the cops are going to be showing up soon? Because I don't think I can handle that tonight."

Shaun tipped his chair back as he put his feet on the railing. "Hey. I have more class than that. I live here but my name's not on the lease, and I don't really pay rent. And none of those weird statues are mine either. I have better taste than that."

Zach laughed. "Thank God. I was worried we'd have to have an intervention or something. I mean, I've seen some weird things at school, but that one in the kitchen…"

"The green one?"

"Yeah, what's with that?"

"I don't know. I cover it with a towel when I'm home alone."

"So was agreeing to put up with the statues how you were able to avoid paying rent?"

"Yeah. It was in the contract and everything."

"Seriously though," Zach gestured to the fancy neighborhood, "how did you manage to pull this off?"

"Well, my roommate's not the platonic kind."

"Oh," Zach nodded knowingly, "so you're a kept man."

"It was a better choice than starving artist."

"Maybe." Zach raised his eyebrows at Shaun. "But what do you have to do in exchange?"

Shaun laughed and shook his head. "Not much, lately."

"Uh-oh." Zach looked at Shaun with mock disapproval. "Trouble in paradise?"

"I suppose you could say that."

Zach started at the bottle in his hand then looked at Shaun. "You, uh, wanna talk about it?"

Shaun took a swig of his beer. "Not much to tell, really. It just gets hard 'cause we don't really have our own corners to retreat to."

"Where is he right now?" Zach asked and then winced. He looked over at Shaun who was staring back questioningly. "I, uh, read your book," Zach explained, and gulped down the rest of his beer.

"Really?" Shaun asked, sounding surprised and pleased.

"Oh yeah," Zach grinned, "very educational."

"It _was_ always meant as a teaching aid," Shaun joked. "He, Nate," Shaun said after a pause, "is staying with a friend of his this weekend. This," Shaun motioned to the apartment, "isn't really his scene."

"Ah." Zach tossed his empty bottle back and forth between his hands. He changed the subject. "You working on a new book?"

"I'm playing with some ideas, haven't really gotten serious about it yet."

"But you are planning on it?"

"Yeah, it's out there somewhere."

"Good. You're good."

"You really liked it?"

"Yeah." Zach paused and shook his empty bottle. "I'm gonna go get another beer. You want one?"

Shaun shook his head. "I'm good." Zach got up and slid the door open, music from inside breaking the silence. Shaun saw Zach get pushed on to the couch by Gabe and then throw back his head and laugh. Shaun was broken out of his reverie when one of Gabe's friends obscured his line of sight.

Shaun sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "This just keeps getting worse," he muttered.

* * *

When Zach got back to Valencia, he bypassed his apartment and drove directly to campus. Sleep deprived as he was, he dragged himself to his studio. The building was mostly empty at dinnertime on a Sunday, though he heard the occasional voice or music playing quietly as he walked down the hall.

The studio he shared with Dave was dark when he arrived. He flipped on the light and surveyed the room. Three easels blocked the path around the table in the middle of the room. A half-finished sculpture sat on the corner of that table, indicating Dave must have been working at some point during the weekend. As Zach maneuvered around the easels and a year's worth of accumulated junk, he spared a brief thought for the massive undertaking that cleaning the space was going to be when the semester ended in a few weeks. Despite the mess, he managed to dig out his supplies and started painting.

* * *

"Dude!" Zach snapped up from where he'd fallen asleep with his head on the desk.

Dave was standing over him and poking him in the shoulder. "There's no way it's healthy to sleep in all these fumes, man."

Zach rubbed his face, "Not to worry. I don't think I've been asleep very long." He grabbed the baseball cap off Dave's head, tipped his own head back, and balanced the hat over his face. "Ahhh, darkness."

Dave stared down at Zach's obscured face with mock outrage. "I'm sorry, did you just touch my hat? Did you just touch and _take_ my hat?"

"I thought we had a special bond," Zach said from under the hat. "I'm one of the privileged few who's allowed to _touch your hat_."

Dave grabbed it back and placed it safely on his own head. "If you're lucky, I'll let you touch it again later. Sadly, we must go to class for now."

Dave turned to the door where Zach had lined up three different canvases to dry. He pointed to them. "Those weren't there when I left on Saturday night. You do those yesterday?" Zach nodded. "What time did you get back?"

Zach shrugged. "Six-ish, I think."

"You mean you did all this last night? That's a little insane." He leaned in, brushing their shoulders together, and dropped his voice, "You on something?"

"No," Zach shoved him away playfully, "It was just there, you know?"

"I do." He walked over to the paintings, looking closely. "Seriously though, these are great, Zach. It's nice to see you use color for a change. What happened to you this weekend?"

"Just hung out with some old friends."

"You should do that more often." Dave smiled at him. "Looks like it's good for you."

* * *

Zach stood next to his mom in his section of the gallery. He was situated in a corner, with his paintings hanging on two different walls. The left hand wall held the best of his work from his freshman year, industrial looking pieces in shades of gray. Moving toward the right, the paintings progressed into a softer aesthetic, culminating in the three scenes from L.A. he had painted after his weekend at Shaun's. He watched, fidgeting with his blazer and pulling at his, thankfully, tie-less collar, as other people looked at his work.

"Is he asleep?" Joy asked, referring to Cody who was draped over her shoulder.

Zach bent down toward Cody's face. "Looks like it."

"Thank God. He'll sleep through anything now. Can you take him for a minute? My back is killing me."

Zach took Cody from his mother and then heard a voice behind him. "Never thought I'd see you in a suit."

He spun around. "Shaun?"

"Wouldn't even have recognized you in those clothes if it weren't for your mom here," he said around a mouthful of cheese and crackers. "How are you Joy?"

"Look at you, all grown up," Joy said, pulling Shaun into a hug. She looked from Shaun to Zach, who was trying to keep himself from smiling. "I'm going to go take a spin around the room while you've got someone to keep you company."

"'K." Zach looked at Shaun. "What are you doing here?" he asked when she'd left.

"Well, my mother spent an impressive two hours straight talking at me over the speakerphone while I cleaned my apartment on Sunday. Around minute seventy-five she mentioned that your mom told her about this show tonight. I'm in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd stop by." He looked at the walls behind Zach. "This your stuff?"

"Yeah." Zach pointed, "from here to here. It starts on that side." Zach shifted Cody so he could motion to the left wall. "It's sort of a progression."

Shaun started studying the paintings. "Wow," he said looking at a painting of the bridge near Zach's house in San Pedro. "These are great, Zach."

"Thanks."

Shaun reached Zach's most recent work. "Color finally makes an appearance."

Zach shrugged his shoulders. "I was bound to run out of gray eventually."

Shaun laughed and turned to a painting accented in blues and reds. "You painted my balcony?"

"Hmm." Zach put a hand on Cody's head to keep him upright and leaned forward to pretend to study the painting. "Well look at that," he said, faking surprise.

Shaun smiled and cuffed Zach on the shoulder. "Is that us?" Shaun pointed to two dark figures. "Or, at least the back of our heads." Zach stayed silent. "It's a little melancholy around the edges, but hopeful at the same time."

Zach looked at Shaun, the playful atmosphere suddenly serious. "You see all that?"

"Yeah." Shaun turned away from the painting to look at Zach. "You're really talented, Zach. What were you thinking when you painted this?"

"Um," Zach looked at the painting, contemplating how to answer. He dropped his gaze to the floor. "I'm not sure. When I got home from your place, I felt this, sort of, high." He smiled, and looked at Shaun with his head still bent. "It just kind of, happened."

"Zach." Zach lifted his head and looked at Shaun. "Are you—"

"Hey." Shaun was interrupted when a man, dressed in black slacks and a tight-fitting black t-shirt, walked up, dragged his hand across Shaun's shoulders, and stood on the other side of Shaun. "It's impossible to find parking on this campus."

"Hi," Shaun said, squeezing the man's hand in greeting. "Nate, this is Zach. Zach, Nate."

"Oh," Zach blinked twice to re-center himself. "Hey," he shook Nate's hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Nate said and looked around at the paintings. "I heard you were quite the artist. Hey," he focused on the painting Zach and Shaun had been discussing, "that kinda looks like our balcony."

Shaun quickly turned to face Nate. "You know what would be great?"

"What?"

"If you would go get me another one of these little wine cups," Shaun said, handing his empty one to Nate.

"Sure thing. Can I get you something, Zach?"

"Nah," Zach shifted Cody. "I've got my hands full."

"Be right back," Nate said and headed for the makeshift bar.

They watched Nate walk away. "Looks like you made up."

Shaun turned back to Zach and tipped his head to the side. "We're a work-in-progress."

Zach started bouncing Cody in his arms. "He looks like he's getting heavy, want me to take him for a minute?" Shaun asked.

Zach looked at Shaun with relief. "Do you mind? My arms are going to fall off."

"Not at all, give him here." Zach maneuvered Cody over to Shaun. "What's his name again?" Shaun asked.

"Cody." Zach shook out his arms.

Shaun looked down at Cody's sleeping face. "I can't believe Jeanne has a kid this big." He looked at Zach. "I can't believe she has a kid, period."

"Yeah, well. My mom does most of the work. I try to help out when I can, but she won't let me do that much."

"Jeanne won't let you do much?" Shaun asked, disbelievingly.

"No, my mom won't let me do much. She says that since I didn't go off and get anyone pregnant I should just focus on enjoying school."

"That sounds like your mom."

"Yeah." Shaun rocked back and forth with Cody, continuing to look at the paintings.

Nate reappeared. "Wine?" he offered, looking at Shaun.

"Give it to Zach, I've got my hands full now and," Shaun turned to Zach, "you need to celebrate a little." He nodded toward the paintings. "You've got something really good going here."

"Thanks," Zach said, taking the glass from Nate.

Joy walked back up, looking Nate up and down out of the corner of her eye. "Hi," she introduced herself, "I'm Zach's mother, Joy."

Nate shook her hand. "Nate. I live with Shaun."

Joy raised her eyebrows and nodded. "Nice to meet you." She looked him and Shaun over one more time before she turned to Zach. "It's just amazing what everyone who goes to this school can do, Zach. There are so many interesting pieces in this room. None as good as yours, of course."

"Mom."

"Well, it's true." She pulled him toward her, one arm wrapped around his back. "I should be heading out though, get him into a real bed," she motioned to Cody.

"That's cool. We're closing up here, anyway."

"I can walk you out and get him into the car for you," Shaun offered.

"That would be wonderful, Shaun. Is there anything you don't do?"

"Not much," Nate answered, earning him a glare from Shaun.

"Thanks for coming, mom," Zach said, hugging his mother.

"Of course, this was great. You're coming home for a visit soon though, right?"

"As soon as classes end." He turned to Shaun. "Thanks for coming, man. It was great to see you again."

"Totally. I'm really glad I got to see your stuff. Don't be a stranger, okay? Any time you want to get a little closer to the city, my couch is open."

"Cool," he said. "See you around then."

"Nice to meet you," Nate said.

"You too." Zach watched their backs as his mother lead Shaun and Nate out the door. The top of Cody's head was visible, resting on Shaun's shoulder. As they reached the door, Nate reached over and rubbed Shaun's back. When they disappeared, he sighed and looked back at the balcony painting for a moment, before heading for the door.

* * *

The remaining days of the semester went by quickly, and soon Zach found himself working side-by-side with Dave as they tried to clear out their studio.

Zach tossed a collection of candy wrappers into the trash. "Were we this disgusting last year, or is this a new development?"

Dave looked in the trashcan. "What's this 'we' stuff? I don't eat Snickers."

"Touché."

They worked in silence for a while, radio playing softly in the background, clearing out a year's worth of accumulated junk, half-finished pieces, and undisplayed projects.

"So," Dave said, as he finished sweeping the floor, "this is the end of an era."

"Yeah," Zach laughed. "After putting up with your crap for two years, I'm finally breaking free."

"Fuck you," Dave said jokingly. "You know you'll miss me when you're all alone in your private studio next year and you wither away and die because no one reminded you to eat."

Zach laughed. "That will happen, won't it? We better get studios near each other so you can keep tabs on me."

Dave grinned at Zach. "You going home at all this summer?"

"I'm going for a couple weeks. Just gotta bring this box of stuff over to my apartment and then I'm heading down there. You?"

"I'm flying out tomorrow."

"Cool." Zach threw the last of the dirty paper towels in the trash. "Looks like that's it." He looked at Dave. "Guess I'll see you in September."

"Yeah, man, have a good summer."

"You too." Zach pulled Dave into a one-armed hug. As he moved away, Dave reached out his other hand and caught Zach's shoulder so he had both hands on Zach. Zach left his hand on Dave's shoulder. Frozen.

Zach looked at Dave, eyes wide.

"I'll miss you," Dave said and leaned forward and kissed Zach lightly on the lips.

Zach kissed him back. His stomach jumped when he felt Dave's jaw brush against his. Dave used the hand on Zach's back to gently pull them together. Zach let himself be carried forward and stifled a moan as he was pressed against the hard planes of Dave's chest. This close to Dave, the spicy scent of his cologne was overwhelming. Zach closed his eyes as he took it all in.

Dave moved his hand from Zach's shoulder so it was cupping the back of Zach's neck and dragged his thumb down Zach's jaw line. Zach snapped back to himself. He broke the kiss and stepped back.

"This, uh, this is not a good idea."

"You seemed to enjoy it," Dave said hopefully. "And when you broke up, Meg told me—"

Zach tensed, but took a moment to relax and avoid speaking through gritted teeth. "What did Meg tell you?" he asked, calmly.

Dave fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "She felt really bad after she said that thing about you liking the male models more than you liked her. She wasn't, like, going around and talking about you. I think she came and talked to me because she wanted some sort of gay absolution."

"But she didn't say I was…"

Dave looked at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Are you saying you aren't?"

Zach dropped his gaze to the floor. "I'm not saying anything right now. Okay? That was the first, I mean, I've never…"

Dave looked surprised. "Hey, that's cool. I wouldn't—"

"I know. Thank you. Look," Zach sighed and looked back up at Dave. "You're my friend, Dave. You're my _best_ friend here, but…"

"Yeah, I get it. Friends," he said, sounding slightly disappointed.

"We cool?" Zach asked.

"Yeah." Dave looked at Zach. "I would never leave you to starve." Dave picked up Zach's box and handed it to him. "Get out of here. Have a good summer."

"Thanks. You too." As Zach walked down the hall and out of the building, he couldn't stop replaying the last few minutes in his mind. It had been a good kiss, unfamiliar and exciting, better than with Meg or Tori. But it still felt off.

* * *

The drive down to San Pedro was interminable. Two hours in traffic provided no distractions from the events of the morning; Zach had never been so glad to pull up to his house. He walked up to the door, grabbed the keys that were hanging out of the lock, and went in to find his mother frantically rummaging through piles on the kitchen table with Cody on her hip. "Looking for these?" he said, holding up the keys.

"Yes, thank you." She took them out of his hand. "I realize you just walked in the door, but can you do me a big favor? Either take this list and go get some groceries or go pick up Jeanne from work and Dad from physical therapy."

"Gimme the list. Why are you picking up Jeanne from work?"

"Because," Joy's voice sharpened, "she got arrested for DUI on Friday and lost her license."

"Are you fucking me?"

"Zach, language."

"Sorry." Zach sighed. "Hey," he reached out and took Cody from him mom. "Do you need this guy with you?"

"No, why?"

"I just want to spend some time with my favorite nephew." Zach held Cody by the legs and let his torso drop so he was hanging upside-down.

Cody shrieked in delight. "Again!"

Joy laughed. "He's all yours. Switch keys with me so we don't have to move his car seat."

Zach handed over his keys, then started walking in circles while swinging Cody by the ankles.

"One of the things on that list just says 'dinner,'" Joy said, over Cody's giggling. "Be creative, but healthy, okay? Ramen noodles don't count."

"Uh-huh," Zach said, distracted as he prevented Cody from smacking his head into the fridge.

"I guess I'll just pretend you're paying attention."

"What?" Zach asked, Cody now standing next to him, holding his hand.

She smiled at the two of them. "I said thank you for doing this, I'm late, see you soon." His mother ran out the door.

"So," Zach said, kneeling so he was level with Cody, "you ready to go to the store?"

"No," Cody said, shaking his head but looking eager.

"Oh, it's gonna be like that is it?" Zach picked him up and walked over to the playpen in the corner and put Cody down. "You hang tight in here for a minute while I get ready, then we'll head out." The door opened again and his mom walked back in. He looked up. "What'd you forget?"

She walked up to him and gave him a hug. "It's nice to see you. Welcome home."

"Thanks, mom."

"Okay, now I really have to go. Have fun."

Zach smiled. "Bye."

* * *

By the sixty-third "no" ("Do you want plain waffles or cinnamon?" "No.") Zach's patience was starting to thin, despite Cody's good cheer. Zach closed his eyes for a moment, in an attempt to remain calm, and ended up crashing into a pallet of ice cream.

"Shh-" he looked at Cody, "-oot."

"Zach?" He looked up and saw Tori, in her maroon smock, stocking the freezer.

"Hey, Tori."

She put down the carton of ice cream she was holding. "I didn't know you were in town."

"Just got home, actually."

Cody had turned in the cart to look at her. "Hi, Cody," she said.

Cody looked at Zach uncertainly. "You can say 'hi' to her, Cody. That's Tori, she's known you since you were really little." Cody reached for Zach. Zach stepped forward and Cody hid his face in Zach's chest.

"Apparently, when he's not saying 'no,' he's going through a shy phase," Zach said. "Though considering who his mother is, I doubt it will last."

Tori laughed. "That would be strange. How long are you in town for?"

"Couple weeks. Then I'm supposed to have some shifts at my job in Valencia."

"Cool."

"Can we get together sometime? Dinner tomorrow or something?"

"I don't know, Zach."

"Just friends, I promise."

Tori was silent for a moment as she thought about it. "Lunch tomorrow?" she offered.

"I'll pick you up at twelve."

* * *

After an hour of awkward conversation over burgers and fries, Zach finally worked up the nerve to ask Tori the question he'd been wondering about since things ended with Meg.

"Tori, when we were dating, did you…did you ever think that I wasn't completely into you?" he asked.

"I never doubted that you cared about me, Zach. Even at the end."

Zach talked to his plate. "That's not really what I meant."

Tori sighed and dropped her eyes again, hiding behind her hair. "I didn't think so." She paused and took a breath before continuing. "You sure you want to hear this?"

Zach sighed. "I think I'm at the point where I have to."

* * *

"And then there was this thing with my studio partner and apparently you, too. It's like everyone knows this but me."

"What do _you_ know?"

"Nothing. I don't know. I just don't know."

Tori got up and walked around the table. She leaned down and put her arms around Zach's shoulders. "Do you not know? Or do you not want to know?"

"Fuck, Tor." Zach sighed and leaned back into her embrace.

* * *

Zach dropped Tori off after lunch. "Zach," she said, before getting out of the car, "you will be okay. I promise. Do me a favor?"

He looked at her and attempted to smile. "What?"

"Don't wallow. Go surf for a few hours. Let your mind wander."

He hugged her. "What would I do without you?"

She laughed and got out of the car. "You wouldn't last a minute."

* * *

The surfboard Zach had left at Gabe's was looking worse for the wear. He was trying to get it back in shape when he heard a door open behind him. Zach turned around and saw Shaun standing in the doorway, laptop under his arm.

"Even in college, you're still breaking and entering. What are we gonna do with you?"

"You couldn't keep me out if you tried," Zach replied. Shaun laughed in response. "I left my long board here," Zach explained.

"That's cool. How've you been for the past two weeks?"

"Pretty good. You? I didn't think anyone would be here."

"Well, Nate had to go away for work at the last minute and I figured writing overlooking the beach would be better than sitting alone in my depressing apartment. And since no one was going to be here…"

"Take it while you can, right?"

"That's about it."

"So you're writing now? I thought you were just playing around with stuff."

"Hey, I've progressed. Right after the last time I saw you, actually. I've got a plot outline and character sketches. I even have half a chapter."

"Wow. I guess art does make you smarter, then."

"Oh, fuck off," Shaun laughed.

"I'm going out after I finish this up." Zach motioned to the board. "You wanna come?"

"Surfin'?"

"Uh, yeah."

"I suppose there are still a few things I could teach you."

Zach laughed exaggeratedly and Shaun glared at him. "Oh, you were serious?"

"That's it," Shaun put down his computer and walked across the patio to where Zach was working. "Shove over so I can help you finish. Then? I'm gonna show you how it's done."

Zach took at step to his right and handed Shaun a wax comb. "Get to work."

Shaun took the comb, not noticing as he brushed against Zach. Zach looked at his arm where they'd touched. _Great idea, Tori,_ he thought.

* * *

Zach collapsed into a chair in the kitchen after they got back from a couple of hours on the waves. "I am completely exhausted." He let his head fall forward onto the table.

Shaun laughed, sliding into the seat across from him. "Wore you out, huh?"

"Cody woke up with some nightmare last night. Jeanne apparently pushed him away, which I know because I spent most of the night with a kicking two-year-old in my bed."

"Ooh, that's rough."

"Yeah. It's a small bed."

Shaun got up and walked over to the fridge, pulling out two beers. He flipped off the tops. "Here," he said, handing one to Zach. "It will make you feel better."

Zach laughed. "Is that how it works?" He threw his head back and drank.

Shaun leaned against the counter. "How is it being back at home?"

"It's a little weird. I mean, I spent some time here last summer, and I've been home for Christmases and stuff, but it's still weird."

"Yeah, I remember that feeling."

"Cody really makes it crazy, I feel like he doubles in size every time I see him. Even since I saw him at my show he's learned more words."

"Wow. So what are your plans for the summer? You sticking around here?"

"I'm here for a few more days, then I'm supposed to pick up some shifts at the restaurant I work at in Valencia. I'll probably be back and forth after that."

"That's cool. You maybe wanna go out again tomorrow?" Shaun asked.

"Can't," Zach replied. "I've got Cody all day."

"Oh yeah? What's the occasion?"

"Jeannie's DUI hearing."

"You serious?"

"Yup," Zach said, matter-of-factly.

"That sucks."

Zach nodded. "Pretty much. She's my sister and I love her, but I wish she'd stop being so stupid." Zach dropped his head forward so his forehead rested on his arms on the table.

"I get that." Shaun sat down next to Zach.

"Yeah?" Zach turned his head to the side to look at Shaun.

"Yeah."

They finished their beers in silence. "Another?" Zach asked.

Shaun nodded. "Outside? It's stuffy in here."

Zach grabbed two more beers from the fridge, opened them, and followed Shaun out to the deck. Shaun took his, drank, and set it aside. He leaned on the rail. "Beautiful waves tonight."

"Yeah," Zach agreed, and gulped at his beer. They stood, listening to the waves wash in.

Shaun looked at Zach out of the corner of his eye. "You ever figure out what you were thinking when you did that painting?"

Blood rushed to Zach's face, barely visible in the twilight. He inched closer to Shaun as he explained. He took a deep breath. "I guess I was just thinking about how right I felt when we were hanging out there, you know?" Shaun turned to face Zach as he explained. "I mean, I'd been having a hard time with school, but when we were talking, it didn't matter anymore. All the pressure disappeared and everything just felt okay." By the time he finished talking, Zach was standing right next to Shaun.

He put his bottle down and slid his hand up Shaun's arm to his bicep. Shaun looked at Zach's hand. "Zach," he whispered.

"I just," Zach tipped his head up and kissed Shaun. He smiled when he felt Shaun's hands slide up his back to his neck as Shaun reciprocated the kiss. He leaned into Shaun as Shaun's thumb brushed his cheek

Zach tried to pull Shaun closer, but Shaun's hands moved to Zach's shoulders and pushed. "Wait. Stop," Shaun said, backing away. "Zach." Shaun looked directly at Zach, who stared at him, then dropped his gaze the wooden planks of the deck. Shaun's voice fell. "I'm in a relationship."

"I know. Oh God, I'm sorry. I should go." Zach turned and headed back for the house.

Shaun followed. "Wait, Zach," he pleaded.

Zach didn't turn around. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I'll see you around," he said, and walked out the front door.

* * *

When Zach pulled up in front of his house, he saw the light on in the living room. He looked through the window and saw his mother reading on the couch. He killed the engine and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, to calm himself.

He walked in through the back door, trying and failing to sneak to his room without attracting attention. "Zach?" his mother called.

He controlled his voice. "Yeah?"

"Can you come in here for a minute, I just want to tell you a couple things about tomo-" She stopped when she saw his face. "Zach, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"You're obviously not fine." She patted the cushion next to her. "Come sit down." Zach walked to the couch and dropped onto it. Joy pulled him to her so his head was resting on her shoulder. They sat in silence for a few minutes. "How's Tori?"

"Good, I guess."

"See anyone else you know today?"

"Shaun's in town. We went surfing."

"That sounds fun."

They fell quiet again. Eventually, Zach spoke, "I think I'm gay."

"Is that why you're so upset?"

"No."

"Well that's good. I know I raised you better than that." Zach laughed despite himself. His mother squeezed him with the arm that was around his shoulders. "I love you."

He managed to get an arm around her to hug her back. "I love you too."

Joy smoothed Zach's hair back. "It sucks that Shaun has a boyfriend, doesn't it?"

Zach pulled away so he could look at her. "How do you know?"

She smiled at him. "I'm your mother, I know everything."

"Oh, riiiiight," he nodded.

"I saw the way you looked at him at your show; you've got it bad."

"Mom!" he protested.

"Does he know how you feel?"

Zach sighed. "I made a _complete_ idiot of myself today."

She patted his knee. "I'm sure you didn't." He just looked at her. "Just give it some time. He's not gonna last with that guy from your show."

"Look," Zach said, "I gotta go back up to school tomorrow."

"Why?" she challenged.

"I can't handle being here, with him right over there." He motioned vaguely in the direction of Laguna.

"Zach," Joy chided.

"I know, I know. But I'll come back in a few weeks. Please let me off the hook this time."

"Fine. But you don't get to run away from your problems again for at least another year."

Zach smiled. "Deal."

"You look exhausted, go sleep." She pushed him off the couch.

Zach stood and turned around to face her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Good night."

"Night," he said, and disappeared into the hall.

* * *

Zach threw his bags in his car the next morning. "Stay," Cody said, from Joy's arms.

Zach ruffled Cody's hair. "Wish I could, buddy, but I'll see you soon. Maybe if you're good, nana and mom will let you come spend the night with me up at school. How's that sound?" Cody looked at Joy. "He didn't understand a word of that, did he?" Zach asked.

Joy laughed. "I'm sure he got some of it. You think you can handle him on your own for a couple of days?"

"Sure I can." Zach took Cody out of Joy's arms and swung him around in a circle as Cody giggled. He shifted Cody to one hip and encircled his mom with the other arm. "I gotta get going."

"You sure you can't stay a little longer."

"Hey, you promised."

"Okay, okay. Drive safe."

"I will."

"And call me when you get there."

"Sure thing." He handed Cody back and got in his car.

"Bye!" Cody called.

"Bye," Zach replied, and drove off.

* * *

Zach was still sitting in traffic on the 405 the fifteenth time his phone rang displaying Shaun's name. He turned it off.

* * *

His apartment was empty when he got there; his roommate had left for the summer and the subleter hadn't moved in yet. He spent a day sitting around before he got bored and called the restaurant he worked at and was offered a shift that night. He was coming home when he tripped over Shaun sitting against his door.

"What are you doing here?" Zach asked, getting out his keys.

"Can I please come in?"

Zach walked into the apartment wordlessly, leaving the door open.

Shaun followed him in and closed the door. "Will you at least look at me?"

Zach turned around. "I said I was sorry. I shouldn't have done that and I feel like an idiot. Anything else?"

"Yeah, will you listen for a second?" Zach was silent. "I broke up with Nate." Shaun walked to Zach and put his hand on Zach's shoulder.

Zach took a step to the side and let Shaun's hand fall. "I _like_ you, Shaun. I don't just want to be some rebound fuck."

"No, Zach, that's, that's not what this is."

"Then what is it?"

Shaun sighed. "Do you remember the day I helped you and Gabe make that stupid skate board movie?"

"I guess."

"I've always thought you were a great person, Zach. But that day was the first time I felt like I was talking to an adult, and not a kid I was in charge of. You were talking about Jeanne. A normal sixteen-year-old would have been complaining about his annoying sister, but you were making all of these insightful comments and trying to figure out how you could stop her from throwing her life away. We were talking about crappy stuff, but I liked talking to you so much that I didn't want that conversation to end."

Shaun paused for a moment. Zach was staring at him. He could see half a smile form on Zach's face despite his obvious efforts to remain composed. Shaun smiled at Zach and continued.

"And then you and Gabe went swimming. You walked back into house fresh out of the pool, shirtless and wet, clearly having spent some time at the gym. That's the day I started my new mantra. 'He's sixteen, Shaun, and you're disgusting.'"

Shaun put on his best chagrined face, but after one look at Zach's raised eyebrows, he gave in and smiled again.

"Zach, you're one of the nicest people I know. You're funny and caring and smart. And incredibly attractive. I've liked you too, for years. But first you were too young, and I always thought you were, you know, straight."

"I was," Zach interrupted. "This is…new for me. Although," he admitted, "you, apparently, are the _only_ one who thought I was straight."

Shaun laughed. "That sounds potentially awkward."

"Awkward but educational."

Shaun smiled knowingly. "So I'm not the first guy you've kissed then?"

Zach shook his head. "Just the first time I initiated it."

Shaun stepped closer to Zach. "You have no idea how much I wanted to keep going the other day, but I just couldn't do anything with Nate hanging over me. We'd been more about convenience than affection for a long time, but I wanted to do this the right way."

Zach looked at Shaun. "You've really liked me since I was sixteen?"

Shaun looped his arm around Zach's waist. He looked Zach right in the eye. "Yes."

When Shaun kissed him, Zach brought his hands up to Shaun's face and started kissing him back enthusiastically. Everything clicked into place. Zach put his hands on Shaun's shoulders and backed Shaun up against the wall. They pulled slightly back from each other and stood chest to chest, panting. "You want to move into a bedroom?" Shaun asked.

Zach felt himself get hard at the sound of Shaun's voice. He refrained from rubbing against Shaun in the middle of the kitchen. Instead, he nodded, took Shaun by the hand, and pulled Shaun down the hall to his bedroom. They stood by the foot of Zach's full-size bed. Shaun kissed Zach's neck as he started to undo the buttons on Zach's shirt. He pushed the shirt off Zach's shoulders. Zach's hands slid under Shaun's t-shirt and pulled it over his head.

They started kissing again and Zach smoothed his hands down Shaun's torso and started fighting with Shaun's belt buckle. He managed to get Shaun's jeans undone and pushed down. He smiled to himself as he brushed against Shaun's erection in the process. Shaun sat on the bed, kicked his jeans the rest of the way off, and kissed Zach's stomach as he got Zach's pants off. Shaun rested his chin against Zach and looked up at him. "You're gorgeous, you know that?" Zach looked down at him and blushed. Shaun tugged on Zach's wrists to get him onto the bed. Shaun pushed him up the bed, then pinned him down and went back to kissing him. Zach couldn't get enough of the feel of Shaun's skin against his and ran his hands up and down Shaun's back, pressing their chests together.

Zach rolled them over so he was on top of Shaun and began kissing Shaun's neck. He rubbed his hands along Shaun's sides and slipped his fingers under the waistband of Shaun's boxer-briefs. Shaun drew in a sharp breath. "Sorry." Zach withdrew his hands.

"No need to apologize." Shaun grinned. "It just tickled." Shaun flipped them back over and started kissing his way down Zach's chest. He paused at Zach's waist. "Those, uh, educational experiences. Did you ever…?"

"No," Zach answered, his voice low and throaty.

Shaun started to pull on the waistband of Zach's boxers. "This okay?"

Zach closed his eyes and swallowed. "Yes." He lifted his hips as Shaun pulled his boxers the rest of the way down. He stared at the ceiling, anxious and eager and feeling every single little touch. He was speechless as Shaun's mouth enveloped his cock. His hips thrust upwards before he even realized what he was doing and he writhed on the bed as Shaun's tongue licked him up and down and he got even harder. He'd never felt like this with Tori.

He didn't want it to end yet, and if Shaun continued it would, soon. Zach reached down and tugged on Shaun's hair, pulling Shaun back up his body and kissing him again. With some help from Shaun, Zach managed to remove Shaun's boxer-briefs. Zach gasped as he felt Shaun's cock against his own. He moved his head so he could see where Shaun's cock lay against his own and inhaled sharply at the sight.

"Don't hold back," Shaun said. "You're encouraged to be vocal."

He looked up at Shaun. "I'll try. I just…" Speech seemed like a lot to ask. He reached between them and brushed his fingers along Shaun's cock. He was rewarded as Shaun hummed in appreciation. Zach adjusted so he was straddling Shaun and wrapped his hand around Shaun's cock, tentatively stroking up and down.

"Fuck, Zach." Shaun looked him right in the eye. "You feel so good." Zach dropped his gaze, but brought his other hand to the head of Shaun's cock, sliding a finger around in his pre-come. Zach brought his finger to his mouth and licked it off, half-smiling, even as he felt his face heat. Shaun groaned. "You are so fucking hot."

The sight of Zach tasting him, after four years of imagining how this moment would go, overcame the remains of Shaun's self-control. He pushed Zach over so Zach was lying on the bed again. "I don't think I can get enough of you," Shaun said as he climbed on top of Zach.

Zach reached up and tangled his fingers in Shaun's hair. Shaun stopped what he was doing as Zach held him still and stared directly into his eyes. Shaun didn't blink until Zach broke their gaze by pulling him closer and kissing him. Shaun slid his tongue into Zach's mouth as he resituated himself, lined up their cocks, and began rutting against Zach. Zach groaned into Shaun's mouth, grabbed Shaun's shoulders, and thrust back.

With the sight of Zach, eager, beneath him, it didn't take long before Shaun came across Zach's stomach with a murmured, "Zach." Zach, propped up on his elbows, watched as Shaun's cock twitched against his. Shaun reached between them and wrapped his hand around Zach's cock. Zach dropped his head back and moaned at the touch.

As Shaun began pumping his hand up and down, Zach arched his back and dug his fingers into Shaun's shoulders until Shaun bent down far enough for Zach to kiss him. Shaun's free hand played along Zach's chest. He pulled his mouth from Zach's and began kissing down Zach's neck.

Zach started to breathe louder and faster. "Shaun, I'm gonna…"

Shaun sped up the motion of his hand. "Do it. Come."

Zach's hips snapped up, and he moaned, as he came, hard, across Shaun's hand and his stomach. Shaun lowered himself onto Zach's chest, trapping the sticky mess between them. Zach closed his eyes as Shaun trailed his fingers over Zach's face. "You're amazing," Shaun whispered in his ear.

They lay in silence as their breathing evened out. Eventually Shaun rolled to the side and settled in next to Zach.

Zach moved to get out of bed. "I'm gonna go get a towel or something."

"Hey," Shaun put out an arm to stop him and Zach stiffened, slightly. "Let me, okay?" Shaun pulled Zach back down and kissed him until Zach relaxed. "I'll be right back." Shaun got out of bed. "Where would I be looking?"

"Go right, first door on your left." Zach lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Physically, he felt sated and relaxed, but his mind was buzzing. He'd never felt so right, so complete, after sex before, but there was still a part of him insisting that this was so, incredibly weird. He was jolted out of his thoughts when Shaun came back and threw a towel at his face. He laughed, relaxing a bit more. They cleaned up, throwing the towels in the corner.

Shaun climbed back into bed. He pulled Zach up against his chest. "You okay?" Shaun asked.

"Yeah," Zach said, almost telling the truth as he adjusted to being pressed close to Shaun, no clothes between them. Shaun draped an arm over Zach. Zach did his best to stop wondering "What next?" and focused on enjoying the feeling of lying in bed with Shaun. He shifted, that much closer to Shaun, and fell asleep.

* * *

Zach woke the next morning as sunlight streamed through the open blinds. He shifted and felt Shaun move next to him.

"Mornin'," Shaun said, his voice hoarse from just waking up.

"What time is it?" Zach stretched.

"Why? You got somewhere to go?"

He'd always associated the morning after with leaving, but as he felt Shaun reach out to him, there was nowhere else he wanted to be. He let Shaun pull him back. "No." He rolled over to face Shaun. "Here is good."


End file.
